Quote
But I still think of you
When I see smoke curl
& when I kiss my lover’s neck
HONESTY TIME. one time i dated a songwriter* and after we broke up she wrote and recorded this song and i first heard it while in the basement of seelye writing a paper (probably after its due date but whatever) and when i heard the words i was like omg wtf and i couldn’t stop shaking because it seemed like it could be about me, especially the first line about getting a letter that read like it was frantically vomited out without actual thought, all unintelligible and manic and depressed and depressing, a rambling sweaty pathetic-in-hindsight letter written on shitty notebook paper one solitary sweltering afternoon in a one-bedroom fifth-floor walk-up on the upper upper east side of new york city, a letter that i might’ve written and that i might’ve sent a few months earlier in a desperate attempt to tell a person whose heart i’d hurt how i was feeling: remorseful, regretful, sleepless, sick; so: i realized that there was a chance this song was about me and then i heard that line, this line, the one quoted above, and it hurt my goddamned fragile stupid heart, literally hurt, i remember, it felt like i was punched in the sternum; and i went into the handicapped stall in the bathroom and i crouched on the floor with my arms around my legs, knees drawn to chest, and i cried because i am a crier but also because in those days i was so full of sorrow and so full of despair and so full of emptiness that it came incredibly easily and i know that the ‘full of emptiness’ bit is an oxymoron, i know, and i know that this sentence is far too long but the point of it is: sometimes this line stops me from quitting smoking.
*hi m!
